Anytime you feel like "it has to be him", chances are, it won't work out between you and that man

This is a lengthy read. Save it for later when you have more time to dive into it. It's quite the ride, but it's worth it.

Have you ever experienced that electrifying connection with a guy where everything feels wonderful and you start believing he's the answer to your prayers? That undeniable feeling of "it has to be him"?

That feeling is one I know all too well, and during those times, I genuinely believed that the man before me was the one I was looking for. Like it had to be him.

Yet every time, the connection between the man and me would fail miserably.

It took me years to understand why it would happen and what exactly was causing it.

Sure, I could’ve just chopped it up to the fact that I was choosing wrong and had attachment issues.

But that just didn’t suffice for me. I needed to understand each piece of myself that truly believed once again that this man was the answer to my prayers and how that was seemingly false every time.

I needed to get to the bottom of it and so, I did.

Unveiling the Depths…

Some people ask me now how I gained all of these profound realizations regarding love. The truth is that I was an explorer of the heart. Obsessed a bit. I would keep on going to get to the other side of the pain and lack of love I was experiencing— because I deeply knew there was another side to it.

If there was great pain there had to be great love, right?

I knew there was so much depth to love and I didn’t try to protect my heart. I just kept going for it.

Was this the best thing for me?

At the time, it didn’t feel like it.

It caused considerable pain and initially felt depleting, yet, the growth, love, and wisdom that emerged from those experiences made it undeniably worthwhile.

One particular night, hung up on a guy, I spent hours going deeper and deeper into the matter itself. Why do I feel like it has to be him? Why am I caught up like this AGAIN?

And in that moment, an epiphany struck me. It was crystal clear, leaving me with unwavering certainty.

It was like a text message was delivered directly into my head that read: Keep feeling everything and exploring the depths of your feelings for yourself, this life, and him and eventually… he will meet you.

Amused by the intensity of my obsession and investment, I couldn't help but think, "Wow, I must be so deeply involved in this that I'm receiving text messages from God now, haha."

Anyway, back to the message:

He will meet you.

I wasn’t given a name. I was just told he would meet me.

I hoped it would be the guy I was hung up on at the time.

But I knew that, no matter what, I would be met.

And it would be glorious.

3 months after that, I was met.

Not by the guy I was hung up on though… but I’ll get back to that later.

The Deep Need That Drove Me…

Right now, I want to talk about how WHY every time I felt like “ it has to be him” toward a guy, it never worked out.

The truth is this: Each time I felt like this about a man, I was trying to get a deep, emotional need met through him that I needed to work out within myself.

And the reason I felt so “certain” about him was because being with him was bringing up within me exactly what I was trying to get met through him.

It was like the deep, emotional need was being aggravated and coming to the surface to be dealt with by me.

But instead, I kept thinking the man would be the answer to it. That he would fill that void for me. The more intense and aggravated the emotional need became, the more I felt that he was the answer to it.

Obviously, this was a mistake.

But each man did have a purpose. I can see that clearly now.

He was calling me back to the issue to set me free from it; calling me back to myself.

I was learning the same lesson via different connections with men and each time it was bringing me closer to the truth.

It hurt more and more until I broke through.

They say that if the heart breaks enough, it breaks open and stays that way. I feel this is true.

Lessons Learned from Failed Connections…

So, what deep emotional need was I trying to get met anyway?

For me, I remember needing to feel validated in all sorts of ways.

I needed to believe that I was worthy of the love I wanted to experience.

I needed to feel like I belonged to someone.

I need to feel like I was important.

I needed to feel like I was worth being with.

I was attracted to the men that I felt I had to prove all of this to. Through them, I learned that I could never truly work to prove it, it had to be intrinsic.

And it was for me to work that out for myself, with God.

The Building Blocks of Intrinsic Worthiness & Internal Security…

Intrinsic value, internal security, and worthiness need to be established within you, to a sufficient degree, first. Here’s the list of what needs to be established in no particular order.

• Self respect - This is huge. The ability to walk away and not tolerate anything that disrespects you, that doesn’t align with what you truly desire or feel worthy of, or that limits or stifles you.

• Contentment for your life - You should feel content in the life you have built for yourself. Trying to use a man to escape from the life you put together for yourself, is a deep emotional need that needs to be dealt with beforehand.

• Self trust - Along with being content with your life, you have to be at peace with the choices you have made in life and begin trusting that you are able to make good choices for yourself, even if in the past this wasn’t the case.

• Worthiness - The deep belief that you are worthy of having the greatest love that you can fathom, that you’re worth going above and beyond for, and that you’re worthy of experiencing all the goodness life has to offer you.

• Faith - The knowing-ness that, through God’s love for you, you will be okay no matter what and that you will have the love you desire even if you can’t understand the process.

Reaching Equilibrium: Operating from Desire, Not Need…

By cultivating and embodying (to a sufficient level) the qualities I mentioned earlier, I achieved a remarkable state of equilibrium within myself. And for the first time, I could operate out of sheer, unfiltered desire.

I wasn’t operating from need and attachment anymore.

I no longer harbored the fear of "what if it doesn't work out" or the belief that "it has to be him.”

Having intrinsic worth and internal security established allowed me to master the delicate balance between being beautifully non-attached and at the same time, being open and ready to fuse together with the type of man I desired, in the type of union I desired.

Do you see why this is so important if you are to have the love, union, and man you truly desire?

You can’t access him through neediness. You have to organically, in the purest sense, desire him. There can be no ulterior motive. There can be no faking it. It comes from your fullness and desiring even MORE life, more goodness. Not feeling like you’re missing pieces and you need to fill the voids.

It’s an entirely different field.

Think of it as an exclusive club.

In this club, you’re only let in if you truly want what you want.

You won’t be let in if you’re trying to mask your deep emotional, needs with “desire”.

Remember how I was telling you, 3 months from after I received the message “He will meet you”, I was met?

Not by the guy I was hung up by.

But by the man I chose out of pure desire and freedom.

I loved the experiences he could create for me that amplified everything I loved about life already. I fell in love with how much depth we were able to explore of each other.

How limitless my time with him felt. The beauty that we could create together.

It felt like my life had been taken and enhanced 100 times over.

And the craziest part was that not once did I think “it has to be him”.

Our connection just naturally and seamlessly formed into the exact love and union I was desiring deep down.

So yes, I was met…

By David… my husband and the love of my life.

…

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