The reason why you have chaotic, uncertain, roller-coaster experiences with the men you like and things don’t ever end with you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved by a man is because you’re using your emotions to navigate the connection with them.

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

Too often I notice that you all come to me stressed out and in chaotic, all-over-the-place situations with men that are created out of you using your all-over-the-place emotions to navigate your connection with a man you like.

You’re left feeling unsafe and uncertain, wondering what’s next for you and the man you’re interested in and frantic about it not working out the way you hope it will.

And to be frank, this is not the only time you’ve been in a situation like this with a man you like.

It’s become normal for you to have these roller coaster experiences with men you’re interested in just for the connection to crash and burn later.

Here’s the thing…

It’s normal for your emotions to fluctuate when you’re getting to know a man for the first time and, based on his actions, he seems like a good match for you.

You’re excited. You’re curious. You’re happy. You’re intrigued.

All those good feelings.

But, at times, you may also feel anxious, a little afraid, apprehensive and somewhat doubtful.

Again, this is all quite normal.

The problem is not your feelings.

I don’t believe in trying to neutralize your emotions or overcome them so to speak.

In fact, you need to pay attention to your emotions and take them into consideration in order to make the best decisions for yourself in love…

And by “best decisions’’, I mean the decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved well now and in the long term.

The problem is that you are USING YOUR EMOTIONS to call the shots instead of looking at your emotions as data that can inform you about whether you're on the right track to being and feeling safe, secure, and loved with this man now and in the long term.

And if you’re not on track, you can use your emotions to guide you on how to navigate the connection to ensure you make the best decisions to achieve being and feeling safe, secure, and loved.

I call this process of using your emotions as data to make decisions "EMODATA" because you always want to feel through and consider your emotions, then make good decisions in your love life because of them, not in spite of them.

Let me be abundantly clear here, okay?

How you navigate your love life should be controlled by what actually prioritizes your overall well being. Your emotions are included in that but they are not the ONLY factor.

For the women I work with, what prioritizes their overall welling is: being and feeling safe, secure, and well loved now and in the long term too.

Notice how I mention being and feeling and not just ‘feeling’’.

The reality of actually being safe, secure, and loved is more important than feeling it all the time (even though your feelings are important as well. They just aren’t more important than reality).

I want to make this distinction because we as women get caught up in and led by our emotions and it removes us from reality and gets us into trouble in love. It makes everything roller-coaster like, dramatic, and uncertain when it doesn’t need to be.

Let the following words ground you:

There’s a difference between a man making you feel good in the moment and him actually beginning to lay the foundation down to ensure that you actually are safe, secure, and loved later on too.

A man who is laying the foundation to ensure you are actually safe, secure, and loved will propose exclusive commitment and claim you. These won’t just be flowery words; they will be backed by consistent action aligned with his words and forward movement to form deeper commitment with you, such as marriage.

Him making you feel good in the moment is a step in the right direction but it is not the destination and shouldn’t be treated as such.

You should always make decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

If you’re always reacting to a man from you emotions, positive or negative, you will always be in chaos.

Let me show you how navigating your connection with a man by reacting from your emotions screws you over:

Whenever a man you like is “making” you feel happy, excited, curious, and intrigued with him for whatever reason, your actions and decisions reflect this.

You have knee-jerk reactions and react hastily based on these positive emotions without thinking about whether these actions are contributing to you being and feeling safe, secure and loved now and in the long term or not.

You do things that actually sabotage the reality of you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term with this man by getting over-invested in him and acting prematurely.

You’ll do things like devoting yourself to him when there is no commitment in sight when you really should be keeping yourself open.

This does not contribute whatsoever to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term. In fact, it positions you for the exact opposite.

You’ll do things like sleep with him even though that should be reserved for a man who commits to you at a deeper level. This leaves you attached to an elusive man. Which again, is in opposition to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved well now and in the long term.

And so on…

The point is that you get carried away with these positive emotions and let them run the show; jeopardizing what you actually want: to be be and feel safe, secure, and loved.

And the same thing happens when you experience negative emotions.

Whenever he’s “making” you feeling anxious, a little afraid, apprehensive, and doubtful with him for whatever reason, your actions and decisions reflect this.

You have knee-jerk reactions and react hastily based on these negative emotions without thinking about what actions would actually contribute to you being and feeling safe, secure and loved now and in the long term.

An example of this is you feeling anxious because you haven’t heard from the man you’ve been dating for a month (who you are quite interested in) in a while.

Reacting based on you feeling anxious would have you waiting by your phone for hours, stalking him on social media to see if he’s active, getting upset when you realize he has been active, sending him back to back passive aggressive messages kind of demanding to know why he hasn’t texted you...

And then getting an underwhelming or annoyed response from him that furthers your anxiousness, if you get a response at all.

Do you see the roller-coaster that is?

And by the way, none of those actions lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved, now or later.

It leaves you being and feeling quite the opposite.

Understand that these roller coaster experiences don’t have to be NORMAL for you.

In fact, you should aim to stop having these roller-coaster experiences as soon as possible so that you can be at peace, enjoy getting to know the man in front of you, and make decisions that support you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

So how do you actually solve this problem of reacting based on your emotions?

EMODATA.

The solution is to validate whatever you are feeling and then use your emotions as data to indicate whether you are on the right path of [being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now in the long term] and if you need to pivot.

How exactly is this done?

Let me explain in the context of an example that I gave earlier.

Firstly, feel everything through enough to name the emotion and exactly why you are feeling this way.

In our previous example, you were feeling anxious because you haven’t heard from the man you’ve been dating in a while.

So, naming the emotion(s) after completely feeling it through: anxious, a bit abandoned, and neglected.

The reason you feel this way: because you haven’t heard from him in a while.

Secondly, you want to look at your emotions indicating if you are on the right track or not and if not, identifying what would put you on the right track. By right track I mean, [being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term].

Based on your emotions (anxious, abandoned, neglected), you know this is not on track for how you want to feel now or in the long term.

And because you feel this way, (based on not hearing from him for a while), you recognize that consistent communication is what helps you feel safe and secure with a man.

You understand that at this level of the connection (where there is no commitment) that consistent communication isn’t promised.

But given that you’ve been clear about your intentions and where you stand…

***Assuming that you have already made it clear to him that marriage is your reason for dating and what you value. And that you’ve been expressive with him about how you enjoy him, love hearing from him, spending time with him and the like. You learn how to effectively communicate all of this in week 7 of my 12 week mentorship program IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy.

You can determine that waiting for him or reacting impulsively won't contribute to you being or feeling safe, secure, and loved.

You can identify that what would put you on the right track to being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term is to actually STOP seeing this man and START entertaining the man who communicates in a way that aligns more with what you want regularly, who is more commitment forward, and who is more on the same page with you in general.

***Assuming that you are or are intending to casually date multiple men at the same time (which I’d recommend) [You learn how to do this effectively in week 9 of my 12 week mentorship program, IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy].

Based on all that I've said here and the example I gave on how to use EMODATA, you may be thinking the following:

Could dating multiple men at once just be the solution to the example problem mentioned above instead of EMODATA then?

My answer: No, because while dating multiple men at once helps, if you don’t learn how to navigate the relationship beyond your feelings, you will always be in trouble.

What if I’m really stuck on a guy? Wouldn't it be be hard for me to just let go like you mentioned in the example?

My answer: The reason you'd be stuck on a guy is because you're prematurely attached to him before he's made any significant strides toward you.

"EMODATA" actually prevents you from getting prematurely attached. You would refrain from doing things with a man that might lead to premature attachment unless the data indicates that it is safe to do so. Which, at that point, it wouldn't be premature but sound.

Learning to use your emotions as data that indicate whether you’re on the right path to being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term is how you invest in the best decisions for yourself while validating your emotions but not letting them get in the way.

When you master this skill, you stop having chaotic, uncertain, roller-coaster experiences with men.

Instead, you're able to enjoy the man in front of you, tend to your well-being, feel all your emotions, know if a connection with a man will be fruitful or not early on, and know exactly how to move forward so that you are in a fruitful position regardless.

No guessing, wondering, or feeling chronically uncertain.

You get to make choices that benefit the whole woman that you are, not just aspects of yourself, now and long term, not just for the moment.

And, you get to experience the reality of being (and feeling) safe, secure, and loved well now and in the long term by the man that you'll love MUCH FASTER.

This is a skill worth mastering.

In my 8 week mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, EMODATA is one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Communicating your needs, desires, feeling, or grievances properly to a man so that they can be met, you avoid resentment, and a deeper, stronger bond can be formed between you and the man you'll love.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.