NOT enjoying yourself while dating and forming all of these dead end relationships with men is an indication that you’re probably abandoning your agency in your love life.

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

Let me ask you a question.

What do you believe the quality of your dating life and your love life as a whole is dependent on?

Women will often say things like, “Well, if I met men who were actually quality instead of walking red flags, that would improve the quality of my dating/love life.”

“Well, when I meet my husband (or the man who is for me), that would for sure improve the quality of it.”

“I think that for the era we’re in, it seems that men are not really serious so that really affects the quality of my love life.”

And so on and so forth.

The issue I have with all of these answers and ones like them is that women make themselves powerless in love and at the mercy of the stars aligning and “the right man” coming into her life or, even worse, the collective of men “getting it together” so that she can finally have her chance in love.

All of this is dependent on external forces like luck, the collective of men, a specific man, and dare I even say, waiting for God to send her the right man.

Listen, I am not trying to ruffle any feathers but I have to call it like it is if I am to actually advance women in the realm of love.

Being well loved is not some airy fairy occurrence that you have to wait for.

You are not waiting for anyone but yourself. For your own empowerment in love. For you to claim your own agency over your love life.

Being loved well is a skill that allows you to take agency over your love life.

And believe it or not, you have more influence on if, what and when things happen in your love life than you’re allowing yourself to accept. I’ll show you what I mean by this a little later in this post.

Now, some ladies get angry when I say that being loved well, claimed, and committed to is a skill that any woman can learn.

They think I’m taking credit for what God has done in my love life.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

God gave me the awareness to see that being loved well, claimed, committed to was a skill that I could learn and wasn’t a random airy, fairy occurrence that I had to wait for.

In this post, I want to show you how learning the "being well-loved" skill and embracing your agency in your love life leads to an enjoyable dating life, ultimately resulting in being claimed, committed to, and loved well in the way you most need and desire by a man you'll love.

There is a level of self mastery that must happen in 3 specific areas

Making your dating experience easy going and enjoyable as well as ensuring that it actually leads you to being claimed, committed to, and loved well in the way you most need/desire by a man is very much up to you mastering yourself in relation to men and love.

When I speak about self mastery in relation to love and men, I am speaking about 3 areas in particular:

1. Mastering your expression. This means mastering properly communicating to men your needs, desires, grievances, and what you are and aren’t available for.

2. Emotional mastery. This means taking your emotions into consideration and using them as data to make the best decisions for yourself that lead to you being claimed, committed to, and loved well. NOT letting your emotions be the reason why you fall for and get prematurely attached to a man that, in reality, isn't making significant strides toward you. (I’ll explain what I mean by “significant strides” a bit later ;))

3. Knowing what you are responsible for in love. This means understanding that you are responsible for your heart, desires, and being loved well. And because of this, you are also responsible for making the proper choices, speaking up about the right things and communicating this properly to men, and taking the proper actions that lead to you being claimed, committed to, and loved well now and in the long term by a man you’ll love.

These are the 3 areas that if you master, you bring back the agency in your love life and you start recognizing just how much influence you have on if, what, and when things happen in your love life than you were allowing yourself to accept previously.

The quality of your dating life, and love life as a whole, is contingent upon your own self -mastery in these 3 specific areas.

A closer look into expression mastery, emotional mastery, and knowing what you are responsible for: The 3 specific areas

Before I get into the intricate details and practical examples of what mastering these three specific areas and embracing your agency in real life looks like, I want to ensure you have the opportunity to explore these 3 specific areas more closely and begin your journey toward mastery if you so choose.

This post would become excessively lengthy if I were to dissect each specific area, outline how to master them, and provide you with the tools necessary for mastery.

That's why I've dedicated several separate blog posts to each of the three specific areas. These posts offer a detailed breakdown of each area, introduce corresponding tools that I teach to initiate mastery, and provide examples illustrating what mastery entails.

You can find posts on expression mastery here, emotional mastery here, and posts on knowing what you are responsible for here.

HOW the role of expression mastery, emotional mastery, and knowing what you are responsible for looks IN REAL LIFE while you’re dating men

When I stopped feeling powerless in love, realized that being loved well was a skill, began to master those three specific areas of myself in relation to love and men, and embraced my agency, I began to always have a really good time dating men.

It opened up the opportunity for me to thoroughly enjoy the man in front of me while still ensuring that I was moving toward my desire of being claimed, committed to, and loved the way I desired.

How was this possible?

I took measures aligned with my newfound agency.

Here are the 4 measures I took that were in alignment with my journey of expression mastery, emotional mastery, and understanding my personal responsibility in love.

1. From the beginning, I let the man know that I had a desire for marriage. I expressed this to him as a desire of mine early on. [I kept it framed as MY desire, not focused on him filling it or anything]. (Expression mastery).

2. I didn’t do anything that would’ve made me prematurely attached to him. I reserved certain activities for a deeper level of commitment (emotional mastery) and I knew how to properly express this to a man (expression mastery).

3. I also was able to properly share with him my desires, things that I liked/didn’t like, things that made me feel comfortable/uncomfortable, and things I was/wasn’t available for. (Emotional mastery).

4. I knew that I had a responsibility for my own heart, desires, and needs, so I’d remove myself from any man that wasn’t taking significant strides toward me in a timely manner (this was easy as I wasn’t prematurely attached.) (Mastery over knowing what I was responsible for).

Note: These 4 measures quickly begin to filter out the men who are going to dish out mediocrity or who are just looking to hook up. It works wonders.

By the way, I mentioned earlier that I’d tell you what significant strides means*.*

“Significant strides” means ALL of these three things:

1. A man treating you well consistently

2. A man initiating contact with you regularly because he wants to

3. A man proposing exclusive commitment with you (i.e. Boyfriend and girlfriend, or proposing marriage)

These are the significant strides that a man has to make ON HIS OWN, without any pressure or guilt tripping on your end, before you decide to commit your heart to him and start getting attached.

And yes, he has to make all three. Just 1 or 2 of the strides is not sufficient.

Now to return to the point at hand…

With those four measures in place throughout my dating life, I was able to simply enjoy the man in front of me, get to know him, take him in, and understand his character.

I could be myself and have a good time with him—still sharing laughter, engaging in great conversation, dancing, exploring, and appreciating each other's company, even if our paths never crossed again.

I wasn’t afraid of having my time wasted or waiting indefinitely for the man to take further initiative, because…

1. Although I’d enjoy the man in front of me, I didn’t get prematurely attached to a man. My attachment was reserved for deeper commitment.

2. I knew I was responsible for my heart/desires/well being and so I removed myself when a decent amount of time had passed and the man had not taken significant strides toward me.

3. I was not focused on 1 man at a time and so I didn’t put pressure on any specific connection working out.

This approach made the dating process much simpler for me.

You can thoroughly enjoy your time with men WHILE still keeping your eye on the prize

Despite thoroughly enjoying my dates and appreciating the great qualities in each man, I filtered them based on who was making significant strides toward me in the way that aligned with my desire to be married and the quality I was looking for.

Embracing my agency in my love life made dating PLAY for me.

It was fun, enjoyable, and lighthearted…

Yet at the same time, it allowed me to never sacrifice my desire for marriage by getting caught up with or prematurely attached to a guy who showed me a good time, one or two times, BUT wasn’t making significant strides toward me.

Throughout me enjoying my dating life, I still prioritized my desires and my heart— filtering out the unserious to reveal the men who were ready to step up for me and make significant strides toward me.

By navigating the dating arena in this way, I moved from dating multiple men to being claimed, committed to, and loved the way I desired rather quickly.

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As I conclude, I hope I've effectively demonstrated how mastering the skill of 'being well-loved'—which involves mastering the three specific areas—and embracing your agency in your love life can lead to an enjoyable dating experience. Which, in turn, can result in being claimed, committed to, and loved deeply in the manner you most desire by a man whom you'll also love.

There's a sense of fluidity and ease that comes with embracing your agency by mastering yourself in relation to love and men.

But this ease and fluidity actually leads you to where you want to be in love.

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In my 8 week email mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, "Love Sandwiches" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

During the 8-week mentorship, I will guide you through my "IRL" method. This method is designed to help you to attract a suitable man for you and help you embrace agency in your love life by gaining the skills that allow you to create the reality of being claimed, committed to, and loved well by “on demand”.

Here's a breakdown of what the method entails and what we will be working on during our time together:

1. Being self aware and knowing exactly where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you shut down feeling powerless and lost in love once and for all and instead can move forward with clarity and intention.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Taking everything, including your emotions, as data so that you can invest in a reality with a man that aligns with your desires, your identity as a woman, and your overall well-being. This ensures you navigate each situation wisely and achieve a neutrality that translates to your interactions with men (instead of everything being dramatic).

4. Communicating your needs, desires, feeling, or grievances properly to a man so that they can be met, you avoid resentment, and a deeper, stronger bond can be formed between you and the man you'll love.

5. Learning how to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

6. And we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating or irl dating

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.