Choosing men based on what they do for work

A few weeks back, a woman asked me to cover a topic I haven't talked about yet.

I was excited about it and wanted to share my thoughts because I think it'll be helpful for my audience to know where I stand on this.

Here’s the message I received:

I have a question I haven't seen you cover on the blog that was a conversation with a few of my friends who are high achieving women in the corporate space. It is this conversation around being open to men in the trade instead of only the sleek suit wearing type of guy. A number of them do not like giving those ones a chance. I'm of the view that a man should be judged for character. Would love to see you cover it on the blog. - Tanya K.

I have a few things to say about this. So I’ll start by saying that I think it is a good thing for women to have preferences, to know what they want, and to be unapologetic with these preferences. After all, how can she receive the love, support, and fulfillment she really desires if she is afraid to want what she wants?

With that said, I want to dive further into what it means to have a preference for “white collar” men over “blue collar” men.

What a man does for work doesn’t tell the whole story of who he is

I’d take an educated guess and say that this preference often comes from the assumption that “blue collar” men have less earning potential and are often less educated.

This assumption is sometimes true and it sometimes isn’t.

If a woman values a man earning equal to or more than her and being equally or more educated than her, I’d say that value and desire is valid.

I’m sure you have your reasons. Be they for lifestyle reasons, status reasons, or anything in between.

The issue arises when you begin to believe that “white collar” men are better husbands than “blue collar” men.

This is the sneaky belief that tends to live in the background of the whole “white collar” vs “blue collar” men debate.

The truth is that the type of work a man does doesn’t suddenly tell the whole story of his character, values, desires, capability, financial health, emotional health, mental health, etc.

And it sure doesn’t tell the story of how he will treat and take care of the woman he loves; his wife.

You’d have to get to know the man to know all of this about him.

You know, this brings me back to a point that I mentioned in another blog post some months ago where I gave the criteria for how to actually assess whether a man is suitable for you or not.

The criteria didn’t include the type of work he does actually.

A simple + efficient criteria for assessing a man's suitability as a partner is this:

1. You genuinely like, admire, and respect the core of who he is.

2. He can presently offer you an environment that fosters growth, expansion, rest, and genuine love.

If those are true, it’s likely he’s a strong candidate for you.

It can be as simple as this.

This approach allows you to be loved well sooner and ditch the life long quest you would have been on looking for a flawless man.

The reason I believe this criteria is so effective is because it prioritizes reality over projection and assumption.

Rather than simply assuming that you’ll have a good life and be happy with one type of man and miserable with a terrible life with another type of man, you get to actually spend time with him and assess things from there.

If, when dating a man, you like, admire, and respect who he is AND you love how life with him feels, he is suitable for you.

This criteria keeps you open yet based in reality and prioritizing your entire well being.

Move away from ONLY looking at masculine provision as financial

Another point I want to address here that piggybacks on the last point is that money, though important, is not the only thing you should be basing who you choose to give a chance on.

In fact, to me, only looking at money seems more like you are disregarding other aspects of your well being.

What about your emotional, mental, and spiritual needs and desires?

I suggest choosing men who will benefit you completely.

Yes, that includes money, but transcends money as well.

I’m quoted for once saying that

Women who only think of masculine provision in terms of financial support will attract men who are dis-empowered when it comes to both money and providing.

Whenever I say this, women often ask me “why”.

Here’s my response.

Because she doesn’t hold space for true masculine provision within her. She most likely equates masculine provision with financial support, and although it can include this, masculine provision also beautifully transcends this. There’s so many layers and depth to it. If a woman wants to be provided for, yet, her only clear thought of what masculine provision is is financial, she’ll attract a wide range of men who only understand masculine provision from a financial standpoint. And she’ll often encounter all their insecurities and resistance surrounding it. If a woman wants to stop attracting men like this, the solution is to actually create space within herself for the many areas of masculine provision. She must be able to clearly see, have open arms toward, and deeply appreciate all of the value the right man can bring into her life.

Only prioritizing the financial will have you attracting all sorts of men with all sorts of values around money and providing that may not align with yours.

You’ll meet some “white collar” men who are “modern” who don’t believe in providing for their wife at all. They prefer 50/50 and think that providing for you is demeaning.

You’ll meet rich men who are not generous at all.

This is NOT AT ALL to suddenly say that “blue collar” men or non-rich men all believe in providing for the woman they love or are generous.

No. That would be foolish.

I am just emphasizing what tends to happen when you place money over your overall well being.

“Blue collar” men, their earning potential, and their options

The world is a moving, living, and breathing thing.

It’s not like how it used to be where earning potential was much more fixed and people seldom earned any more than what their work provided them.

With machines, automation, and the internet, things are looking quite different.

For instance, these days, I’ve actually met many blue collar entrepreneurs.

They do typical blue collar work themselves but also have built and are leading teams of people to deliver a service or product to the market.

With this type of “blue collar” worker, his earning potential is quite ambiguous, isn’t it?

Earning potential is no longer being confined to the type of work you do anymore it’s becoming more about how this work is being done.

I think another misconception with blue collar work is that the work is so undesirable and the men who take this type of work just don’t have any options. The funny thing is, you’ll meet men who are truly passionate about the work they do.

They WANT to do the “blue collar” work. It has little to do with their options or lack thereof.

So I say all this to say that it depends on the man.

Basing everything off the type of work a man does is too limited and doesn’t tell the whole story.

There are many other factors to be considered and I hope I was able to present them here for you in this post.

I want to end this post with restating the point that having a preference is perfectly fine. I’d just urge that you make sure your preference aligns with what is best for your overall well being.

...

Join my Membership

If this post nourished you in any way, I invite you to become a member of the Deep Love, Great Work Association.

Work with me inside of the Deep Love Great Work Association; the private membership community you want to be in to position yourself for the love that matches your depth and to be successful doing the work that matches your greatness. In this offer, we explore the deeper perspectives, the mindset, the values, the priorities, and the principles that you need to build a proper foundation of which deep love is a natural byproduct.

We also discuss how these same principles, values, and mindset/perspective shifts help you align with your PURPOSE, be yourself, and do your greatest work. You can join here if that interests you.