So, it’s always my fault, Dream??? - The necessary distinction between ‘fault’ and responsibility in love

This post has been a long time coming because there is a distinction between responsibility and fault within a relationship or marriage with a man that desperately needs clarification.

Because this distinction is not clear within the collective, I often butt heads with women when I speak about the dynamics between a man and a woman and where the responsibility lies for the woman. They think I’m telling them things are their fault, that men never do anything wrong, and that they are always in the wrong and have to fix things and change and so on.

But hear me when I say this…

That is NOT the case.

I repeat, that is NOT the case.

In order to actually advance yourself and advance your connection with a man, you have to graduate from the realm of “fault”. In union, there is ALWAYS responsibility to be taken regardless if fault is there or not.

I repeat, there is ALWAYS responsibility to be taken regardless if fault is there or not.

At every moment, there’s always something to be responsible for. This is where your power is. And knowing this and accepting this is how you exercise your power and autonomy. This is what advances you, that is what expands you.

Love requires expansion and that’s exactly why there is always an opportunity and a strong pull for you to take responsibility for something.

I am highly aware of this and so this is the space from which I speak.

So when I speak about what women are responsible for within an issue, a context, or a situation, women mistake it as I’m saying it’s their fault and the man is flawless.

Again, FALSE.

Before this goes into an unorganized rant, let me break things down for you so that you can understand the important, nuanced distinction between responsibility and fault so that you and your union with a man can continually expand and be as beautiful as possible.

Responsibility transcends ‘fault’.

The realm of “it has to be someone’s fault” stems from a me vs. him mentality. In union, there is responsibility to be taken regardless if fault is there or not. Just because you’re taking responsibility for something doesn’t mean it’s your fault.

Let me give you an example of this:

Let’s say your husband is stressed from work. He comes home and doesn’t spend any time with you which upsets you and makes you feel neglected.

Is it your fault that he’s stressed and distracted from work? No!

But is it your responsibility to communicate exactly how you feel to him and express that you miss him and express your desire for connection? Yes!

Not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

At every moment, there is an opportunity to take responsibility for something. This is YOUR assignment in love.

Real love leaves NO ROOM for separation

Those serious about union have to be willing to graduate from the ‘fault’ realm and enter into the realm where you are one with the man you love. Where you recognize that ‘fault” is not actually the point.

The deeper a man loves a woman and a woman loves a man there becomes no room for separation created by finger pointing. The blame game is juvenile.

Being obsessed with fault or always focused on what the man is doing or not doing, puts up the wall between you two again, introduces tit for tat, brings in petty, brings in mediocre, and introduces strain between the two of you.

If you want real advancement, real union, always identify what you are responsible for and accept it, always see the best in the man in front of you, and TRUST that in your earnestness, he will accept what he is responsible for.

Love REQUIRES expansion. It’s not an OPTION, it’s mandatory. If you’re not expanding, things will fail.

The point of love is to expand.

Love requires expansion and that’s exactly why there is always an opportunity and a strong pull for you to take responsibility for something. This is what expands you. This is what creates beautiful, profound, transcendental love.

And understand that this ALL serves you.

“Dream, why can’t I just be me? Why does it seem like I always have to change?”

Some women take the stance that they don’t want to have to change. They just want to be themselves.

This is a distortion though but let me explain why that is.

If the "you" you want to continue being has pain and struggle attached to it, strained relationships, and is exhausting, that is a sign that you are actually being less of yourself than is required for the present moment.

When you’re being the you who you’re called to be in the present, it feels freeing and energizing.

You do GET TO BE YOU.

The real YOU is always expanding.

Expansion allows you to be YOU. It brings out more of YOU. It helps you be more of YOU. That’s the nature of life. It is always moving and always expanding.

And you are not an exception to this.

So if you reject that by not taking responsibility for what is YOURS to be responsible for, and you fight to preserve the YOU that is familiar to you, this causes extreme strain on you and the union between you and the man.

But Dream, what if he really isn’t doing his part? Then what? Isn’t that dangerous? Doesn’t that invite in mistreatment?

This section of this post is pivotal because I believe it can really enhance the understanding of the message as a whole.

I have 3 points on this that I want you to understand.

Point #1: High self worth won’t let you be mistreated or mishandled.

High self worth is a natural filter. When you only feel worthy of good treatment, you simply don’t tolerate mistreatment. You know how I was speaking about how there is always an opportunity to take responsibility for something?

Well, on this level, if you are being mishandled, YOUR responsibility is to exercise your high self worth. This could look like expressing to him what you’re not going to tolerate, disengaging if need be to let him figure his stuff out, leaving in certain cases and finding better, etc.

Obviously this depends on the situation but the principle remains.

High self worth is a mistreatment repellent.

It can get dangerous when the woman does NOT have high self worth. But understand, in this case, there still is an opportunity for responsibility. In this case, the woman’s responsibility is to improve her level of worthiness so that she’s no longer attracted to men who mistreat her.

And hear me when I say that this does NOT absolve a man of his wrong doings.

NO!! He is not absolved.

But it is a two player game.

Which means a woman is not absolved from her responsibility either; in this particular case, her responsibility is to learn to accept herself and improve her worthiness so that she can choose a healthier and more aligned path with her man.

Point #2: Focusing on your responsibility will bring you fruit.

When you earnestly focus on doing your part, you become a match for a man who does the same or you will begin to experience the sides of your man that does the same.

Point #3: If you are earnestly doing your part and you are with a man and he refuses to expand, he will fall away and you will be met by someone who does.

Those who expand are supported. Expansion is what drives life. If you are in the way of expansion, you experience major friction until you choose to expand. And if you still don’t expand, you do get left behind. This is just law.

You don’t have to worry about anything else but what you are responsible for. Everything else will be taken care of for you.

In love, we will always be with our match.

If you are not a match to a man, you can be sure that something (out of your control) will be done to either make him a match to you or make it so you can be with a man that you are a match for.

In conclusion, there is a distinction between fault and responsibility.

In love, people think that identifying whose fault it is absolves them of responsibility. To be in love and in union though, you realize that you always have a RESPONSIBILITY.

Stop operating in “whose fault is it” and start identifying your responsibility in perpetuating, addressing, and dissolving the issue.

Trust that, in doing your part, you will attract the sides of your man that reciprocates or a new man who reciprocates, leading to a harmonious and expanding union.

How can it be more beautiful?

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