You don't have to change who you are to attract better men. You just have to make choices in love that support who you are now and contribute to the reality of you being claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are.

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

To be clear, this is for those of you who already KNOW you are a quality woman.

Meaning:

1. You genuinely feel worthy of the romantic love you are desiring.

1. You’ve probably invested lots of time, energy, and/or resources into self development and you’d describe yourself as pretty self aware and introspective regarding your love life and other aspects of your life that are important to you.

If this is you, I want to tell it to you straight:

You don’t have to keep on one upping yourself and or changing aspects of yourself to attract better men and be loved well now.

In fact, I’m going to just come out and say that you are actually making things much more difficult for yourself when you don’t accept that you can be loved well right now as you are and you don’t have to “fix” you some more.

The truth is that you will always be improving and advancing, that doesn’t ever stop. It’s just who you are.

I like to think that who you are INCLUDES your expansion and your advancement.

With that said, you will be at many levels of yourself in your lifetime but you can be loved well at any of them.

I’ve said this before in another post I’ve written, but women who are inner work prone tend to try and solve their love issues with more inner work when in reality, making choices that support who you are now and contribute to the quality of love you want is actually the answer, not more inner work.

Take the focus off of trying to upgrade who you are and put the focus on supporting who you are right now and what you want with the right choices.

This is the other half of the “work” you’ve been avoiding.

Okay, now that I’ve set the stage, let’s talk about how you can begin to make these choices that support who you are and contribute to the reality of you being claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are.

It’s not enough just to vaguely tell you to “make better choices”, especially when you may not know what those choices even look like for you.

In order to see and then make the best choices for who you are and what you want, you have to identify what you’re responsible for in your love life.

How I get my clients to see exactly what they are responsible for and thus what choices they need to make that they aren’t making is by teaching them the “Responsibility Triangle”.

The “Responsibility Triangle” outlines 3 core areas where women I work with tend to overlook responsibility in their connection/relationship with a man, leading them to not know what choices they need to make that supports who they are now and contributes to the quality of love they want.

Within the core 3, there are smaller sub-areas that women need to take responsibility for as well, but they fall under these 3 large categories and for the purpose of our discussion here, we’ll just focus on the 3 core areas.

The 3 core areas that women overlook responsibility are:

1. Point 1: What she is aligning herself with: Is she merely reacting based on the things that are in front of her that she doesn’t want, waiting until she receives better to be better (transactional)? Or is she actively being better than all that she doesn’t want to experience (as a natural reflection of who she is), so that she’s a match for something better?

2. Point 2: Where she isn’t prioritizing her well-being and what she wants. As in, where she is neglecting her well being and desires in pursuit of love.

3. Point 3: The needs/desires/feelings/grievances she isn’t expressing.

So, the questions you need to ask yourself to see exactly what you are responsible for and thus what choices you need to make that you aren’t making are:

1. What am I NOT being better than? OR Where am I being transactional?

2. What aspects of my well-being, both now and in the future, and what I desire am I NOT prioritizing?

3. What needs/desires/feelings/grievances am I NOT expressing?

To make this clear, let me show you how you can use the “Responsibility Triangle” in the context of the following example:

Let’s say you keep attracting and dating men who are seemingly stuck on their ex.

This time around, you meet a man, you guys have a connection that progresses into talking on the phone regularly and going on dates here and there.

He's great and the dates are too, except, you begin to notice that he, too, may be stuck on his ex. You can pick this up because he often makes negative comments here and there about his ex wife while speaking to you on the phone or out with you.

This will be the 3rd time that you've attracted men who seemingly haven't processed or let go of their past.

You feel discouraged and wonder why you keep attracting these men.

Now, normally what you would do is cut things off with this man and then resort to working on yourself so that you can attract better men.

This is a normal routine for you: Meet a guy, date him for a few months, suspect that he’s stuck on his ex, cut things off with him, work on yourself with the intention to attract better men, and then the cycle begins again.

You can recognize that this routine isn’t working for you, so you decide to work with the “Responsibility Triangle” to see exactly what you are responsible for and thus what choices you need to make that you aren’t making so that you can finally be claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are.

So, you ask yourself the following questions:

1. What am I NOT being better than?

One of the things you come to see is that you’re actually not coming from your quality when you’re dating men. Even though you are a quality woman, you get wrapped up in your own negative dating experiences and choose to sort of reserve the quality woman that you are until men show you that they are quality.

This is a backward, transactional mentality though because if you want quality than you need to be dating from your quality to begin with so that you can be a match to quality.

(This could also be a reason why you are attracting men who are stuck on their exes. Both of you are stuck on the past. 🙃 )

Based on this, you choose to be the quality that you are and date from this quality.

1. What aspects of my well-being, both now and in the future, and what I desire am I NOT prioritizing?

After asking yourself this, one of the things you realize is that if you desire to be claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are right now, dating one man for months at a time doesn’t put what you want first at all.

In fact, it discourages it because if the connection doesn’t work out with the guy, you take months to recover making the whole process of dating 1 guy take over a year.

You also make yourself feel like things MUST work out with the one guy, putting excess pressure on the connection and emotionally stressing yourself out.

Based on this, you choose to open yourself up to more connections as this makes more sense for you.

**Assuming that you are or are intending to casually date multiple men at the same time (which I’d recommend) [You learn how to do this effectively in week 9 of my 12 week mentorship program, IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy].

1. What needs/desires/feelings/grievances am I NOT expressing?

You acknowledge that you never properly expressed your distaste for him randomly bringing up his ex and your preference for him to just focus on you and him.

Admittedly, you just kept note of it as a way to pile up reasons as to why you should cut things off.

And to put things in perspective, just because it seems that he may be stuck on his ex, doesn’t mean he actually is.

Is it a good sign that he’s bringing her up?

No. But there could be another understandable reason for this.

Either way, expressing your distaste for him randomly bringing up his ex and your preference for him to just focus on you and him is paramount.

Expressing this is actually more important than just bringing it to his attention. It actually helps you energetically stop meeting men who bring their exes up to you.

You won't be a match for that behavior anymore.

[You learn how to effectively communicate all of this in week 7 of my 12 week mentorship program IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy.

Based on this, you choose to express yourself to him.

In this example, dating from your quality, increasing the number of men you are dating, and expressing your distaste in ‘ex-talk’ and your preference for the focus to just be on you and the man you’re with are the choices you choose to make that support who you are now and contribute to the reality of you being claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are.

This is very different from trying to up-level yourself again or change aspects of who you are to attract better men and the love you want.

Don’t change who you are, change your choices.

In my 8 week email mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, "Responsibility Triangle" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married)who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Learning to feel your emotions through and then use them as data to make decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

3. Communicating your needs, desires, feeling, or grievances properly to a man so that they can be met, you avoid resentment, and a deeper, stronger bond can be formed between you and the man you'll love.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled 

whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.