The reason why you attract men who don't take initiative or who just try to "chill" is because you're afraid to tell a man that he's boring you. 

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

I can’t wait to dive into this one because it really is a goodie that I know will help so many of the women who read this, just as it’s helped me and my clients.

If you are always attracting men who just want to text you all day, or stay on the phone all day, or even meet up in person but do nothing but just “chill”, it’s because your energy is giving off that you’ll tolerate it.

Yes, you have not yet energetically shown that you are not interested in that.

I'm sometimes surprised by how little women communicate exactly what we want or need. And just how much that small tweak can transform your love life completely.

Women don't speak up properly in love.

They will do all the inner work to improve their self worth and finally feel enough and then don't support their worth and enough-ness by learning to speak up and express what they want, need, and feel. 🙃

Let your expression match your worth.

And this is where many women get caught up and become rigid, demanding, and low-key controlling because they're not experiencing what they want to experience when in reality, all you have to do is clearly express yourself to the man lol.

When it comes to men and relationships, become a master at expressing exactly what YOU want, need, and what you are feeling.

My clients describe themselves as feminine and have learned that being feminine is about being warm and kind. Sure, to a certain extent, I agree with that, but not to the exclusion of having your desires or needs met.

You have to express yourself clearly and properly. This isn't optional.

I always tell my clients that expressing yourself, exactly what you feel, what you want, and what you need to your highest ability without trying to control or manipulate the man is the most feminine thing that you can exhibit.

And that absolutely includes expressing to a man that you’re bored if he keeps giving you lackluster attention or company. The truth is that ANYTHING can be expressed in a kind and warm way, especially if your intent is to be truthful to how you’re feeling with a man.

I want to add here that a lot of women will say that if a man isn't taking initiative then he's just not the one and it's best to just leave him alone, and while I agree to a certain extent, if a woman keeps attracting time wasters, it's more about her than it is with the individual men.

She is lacking proper expression, and this is showing up energetically within her and calling to her experiences that are requiring her to express herself better. And until she learns to express herself better, she will keep being met with experiences where men lack initiative and bore her to death.

This is why mastering proper expression is a must for meeting the right man, and nurturing a fulfilling union.

SO, how do we get you to the point where you can freely express to a man that he’s boring you, feel good about it, and energetically stop attracting men who don’t take initiative.

You start making “love sandwiches”!

In my world, a “love sandwich” is essentially a way in which you structure your sentences to a man to make sure you are expressing your needs and desires, respecting the man and where he is, and allowing him freedom; not giving him ultimatums, not nagging him, not shaming him, nor attempting to “control” him.

It is quite literally the fastest and most effective method of communicating difficult topics to a man while respecting both your autonomy and his autonomy that I have found. My clients and I have tested this over and over and have always found that “love sandwiches” breed positive results where both parties feel heard, understood, and satisfied.

To create a love sandwich you start by stating what you love about your time with him, something he’s done for you recently, something he is good at, etc. What you’re expressing with your opening statement should relate to what you’d like to speak further about and it should also be truthful.

Don't lie. Be genuine with anything that you are conveying to him.

Begin the conversation with “I love…”

Next, you transition into expressing your grievance by saying something to the extent of “Yet I feel…”. It is important to have already connected to your emotions and felt everything through so that you are able to convey things in a mature manner that truly honors what you desire, what you need, and how you feel.

Lastly, you should end with a statement about what you love again, simply reiterating what your opening statement was about. This is important because it focuses on the good in the connection, keeps things lighthearted, and keeps you connected to your heart (which is something that he can feel and considers genuine).

So, in short, a love sandwich looks like “I love … yet I feel… because I love…”.

So to give you an example of this, let’s set the stage:

Let’s say you recently met a man online and now he calls you every night. You genuinely love the consistent phone calls (it feels good to you that he initiates contact with you) and he seemed like an interesting man with the qualities you admire over the app, yet on the phone he only initiates small talk.

And to make it even more annoying, he never mentions anything about meeting in person and going on dates. You are bored out of your mind and feel discouraged that, again, it feels like another connection is leading nowhere.

The best thing you can do is let him know that despite your eagerness to get to know him, you are finding it difficult to do so through small talk and are becoming bored with small talk. You should also express that, in general, you really enjoy going out, meeting in person, and furthering the connection with both phone calls and in-person outings.

The goal here is to express this in a way that is warm, kind, and doesn’t shame or try to control the man but is true to you. It is just a pure expression of how you’re feeling.

This is where the love sandwich comes into play.

Here’s an example of what you could say in this case via text or on the phone: “ [Name], I love that you call me and that I hear from you every day. Yet I feel quite bored with the small talk as it makes it hard to really get to know you, which I was very excited about. I tend to prefer deeper conversations, and meeting in person. It really helps further the connection for me because like I said before, I love hearing from you so often and would love to get to know you better.”

Then all that’s left is to give him the space and time to respond.

Most of the time, you’ll find that a man will take what you’re saying as genuine when you form it in this way. Because of this, it goes over with him quite well and he’ll usually start proposing solutions after this.

But even better, when you practice expressing exactly how you’re feeling, what you need or desire in this way, you energetically stop meeting men who don’t take initiative in the first place.

You won't be a match for that behavior anymore.

In my 8 week email mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, "Love Sandwiches" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Learning to feel your emotions through and then use them as data to make decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.