Hesitating to express your wants, needs, and feelings to a man you're seeing stems from the fear of jeopardizing the connection, yet in reality, proper self-expression filters out men who are the wrong fit and attracts men who are the right fit for you from the start.

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

When dating and getting to know a man, many women are reluctant to express their needs/desires/feelings so openly. They're afraid that it may hurt their chances of hooking in men and only want to portray a polished version of themselves that, if they're honest, is catering to the man.

Many women do this because they have had experiences in the past when they’ve expressed themselves and it backfired on them.

So, they think the solution is to wait to express their needs, wants, an feelings until the man is already “hooked” on them

This is a HUGE mistake though.

How in the world are you going to find a man who will love you for who you are by NOT being who you are?

You're underestimating how much your expression is a part of you and just how magnetic it is for the right man.

I believe that when you don’t learn how to express yourself properly, you keep being a match to men who aggravate you until you do.

Not expressing yourself is hiding who you are.

And it is a near impossibility to find a man who is going to love you for who you are when you're not even showing who you are in the first place

Expressing yourself properly attracts the right man, for clear, logical reasons and energetic ones.

Before I jump too far into this, I want to address a common response I get when I’m speaking on this topic.

Many women will have a rebuttal saying "I did speak up and it made things worse".

When I look further into their experience, I see two scenarios when speaking up backfires like this:

The first scenario is when the woman met this man and tried to impress him by only portraying that polished, "catered to him" version of herself. She thought that once he was hooked, she could just "take off the mask" and be the real her.

It doesn't work this way though as the man is only a match to that polished, catered to him version of her that she created for him to experience.

So, of course when she finally decides to express her needs, desires, and feelings, it throws him off entirely. He was never appropriate for the actual her to begin with. And because a facade is what glued them together in the first place, the truth will destroy their relationship.

This doesn't speak bad of him or her. It just emphasizes the importance of being expressive from the beginning.

The second scenario when a woman expressing herself backfires is when she didn’t speak up for so long that she became resentful because her needs weren't met. Because of this, she started being demanding and controlling. This would turn off any man in his right mind.

When you're coming from resentment and anger, your natural expression is tainted.

Before you get to this point, just learn to speak up for what you need/want/feel as soon as it comes up.

These are the only two scenarios I've seen where a woman expressing herself has "made things worse" by her standard.

Both of these scenarios also point to the need for the woman to properly express herself from the very beginning.

What do I mean by “proper” expression by the way?

I mean a woman being able to fully express exactly how she feels, what she wants, or what she needs on any given subject to a man without nagging, demanding, demeaning, complaining, or trying to control or manipulate him.

That is my definition of proper expression.

That is the expression that filters out men who are the wrong fit for you and attracts men who are the right fit for you from the start.

If you’ve read this far, you may be wondering exactly how a woman can achieve expressing herself in this way…

After all, it seems like there are a lot of things she has to look out for to make sure she isn’t, for example, nagging him, being demanding, trying to control the man, etc.

My solution is learning to make “Love Sandwiches”!

In my world, a “love sandwich” is essentially a way in which you structure your sentences to a man to make sure you are expressing your needs and desires, respecting the man and where he is, and allowing him freedom; not giving him ultimatums, not nagging him, not shaming him, nor attempting to “control” him.

It is pretty much the fastest, easiest, and most effective method of communicating difficult topics to a man while respecting both your autonomy and his autonomy that I have found.

My clients and I have tested this over and over and have always found that “love sandwiches” breed positive results where both parties feel heard, understood, and satisfied.

To create a love sandwich, you start by stating what you love about your time with him, something he’s done for you recently, something he is good at, etc. What you’re expressing with your opening statement should relate to what you’d like to speak further about and it should also be truthful.

Don't lie. Be genuine with anything that you are conveying to him.

Begin your sentence with “I love…”

Next, you transition into expressing your need/desire/feeling by saying something to the extent of “Yet I feel…”.

It is important to have already connected to your emotions and felt everything through so that you are able to convey things in a mature manner that truly honors what you desire, what you need, and how you feel.

Lastly, you should end with a statement about what you love again, simply reiterating what your opening statement was about. This is important because it focuses on the good in the connection, keeps things lighthearted, and keeps you connected to your heart (which is something that he can feel and considers genuine).

So, in short, a love sandwich looks like “I love … yet I feel… because I love…”.

In response to my "Love sandwich" one woman said to me that it’s great because men really tend to hook on to whatever we last say for whatever reason.

In my experience, she's right. They do. So making that last sentence positive and connecting it back to your point is important.

Let me show you in the context of a very common example how a love sandwich could work to filter out the wrong men and have the men who are a better fit for you attracted to you:

Let’s say you go on 3 first dates with 3 different men.

You had a great time with all of them on the date. Lots of laughs, good conversation, and so on.

Let’s say that each of them, ask you as the date is winding down, “Do you want to go back to my place? 😉”

Now you already know that you are looking for serious, exclusive, long term commitment (marriage) but you haven’t discussed this with them.

You also know that going back to his place (in general) and sleeping with him would just make you prematurely attached to him, would warp your expectations, and violates what’s best for your well being and what you want long term.

For these reasons, you know that going back to his place isn’t a good option for you, so you express all of this to them in a “Love Sandwich” way.

You say something like, “Well, I loved our day/night together, had lots of fun with you, and would love to have more fun with you yet I feel that going back to your place is too premature for me. I’d like to reserve things like that for a man I have deeper, more exclusive commitment with as marriage is what I really want. It’d be too easy to get prematurely attached to you, especially because I love getting to know you and have such good times with you. 😉”

Then the only thing to do is give him space to respond with his words, and then with his actions (now and later).

You expressed yourself in a way that conveyed that you enjoyed him, value commitment, desire marriage, expressed “vulnerability” by expressing that you want to avoid premature attachment, and kept it lighthearted and genuine all in just 3 sentences.

Not to mention that in no way did you try to control or manipulate him into commitment nor did you demean or shame him for asking you to come back to his place.

What a delicious sandwich.

Now, let’s say in this example, in the aftermath of it all, 1 man stops contacting you and the other 2 keep initiating dates with you.

Your expression on the first date simply filtered him out. He wasn’t a good fit for you and it’s good that you expressed this on date 1 so that he could be filtered out faster.

No shame to him. I’m sure he’s a great guy, just not right for you.

So, do you see just how important proper expression is?

Now, before I close out, I want to address some questions that may have come up when you were reading this.

You may have been thinking the following:

“Do I have to use a love sandwich to express everything to a man?”

My answer to that is no. Keep things simple if they’re simple. No need to use a love sandwich to express that you’re feeling cold, tired, or hungry lol.

Love sandwiches are best used for when you want to convey something that could easily come off as controlling, demeaning, nagging, complaining, or pressuring the man if it’s not said in the right way.

It’s hard to screw up something like “I’m tired” lol.

“How can my expression be unique if I'm using the “Love Sandwich” model you lay out? Do I have to be so rigid and follow it exactly?”

My answer to that is that Love Sandwich is a guideline. I’m not telling you what you should say or all the words you have to use. The guideline is there to assist you in helping you express complex things in a way that clearly expresses you while not infringing upon the man's freedom.

Within the guidelines though, you have complete freedom.

I like to think of it as putting your full expression on the subject inside of a neat container that can be gifted to him instead of it being wild, all over the place, and not clear to him-- leaving both of you frustrated.

Learning how to express what you need, want, and feel properly through Love Sandwiches is what helps you filter out men who are a bad fit for you and attract to yourself men who are willing and able to love you for who you are right now.

In my 8 week email mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, "Love Sandwiches" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Learning to feel your emotions through and then use them as data to make decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.