A Blog By Dream (Silas) Omans

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You waste your own time being anxious about where your connection with a man you really like is going, instead of properly expressing to him that you desire marriage from the beginning and prioritizing that desire by reserving activities that would make you prematurely attached to him for deeper commitment.

March 19, 202410 min read

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

Women often claim that a man wasted her time with months or years of non-commitment and no movement forward. While I can understand the role the man played in stringing her along, I place high importance on a woman knowing exactly what she is responsible for in her connection with a man so that her well being and desires are always prioritized.

In the case of a woman wanting to be married, well loved, and taken care of, it is her responsibility to set herself up for this upon meeting a man that she will be casually dating.

From the very beginning, she must be upfront about what she wants.

Now, some women get tripped up with this because they think that upon meeting a man, it may be too early to tell him that she wants marriage. She fears it might put pressure on the man or make him think that she’s getting ahead of herself.

She also doesn’t want to bring it up until she knows him a bit more, begins to like him, and knows if it’s even worth bringing up to him.

These are mistakes.

Mostly because women will wait until after they like a man and have gotten prematurely attached to him to then start thinking about the future that she wants (now with him!).

And by this point, she’s already anxious about where the connection is going while the man is just reaping all the benefits of having a woman prematurely attached to him without any commitment or responsibility on his end.

He’s in no rush to change anything, if he’s planning on changing anything at all.

After a few months or years of this, women begin to realize that what they want is nowhere to be found, and they’ve been at the mercy of this man, going along with what he wanted the entire time while sacrificing their own desires.

Resentment is bred out of this within her and the woman claims that this man “wasted her time”.

Let’s rewind, however, back to when they first met. Back to when the woman was reluctant to express her desire for marriage for the various reasons I mentioned above.

The truth is that there is a proper way to express your desire for marriage without putting any pressure on the man, getting ahead of yourself, or sealing yourself into something with a man you may not even like moving forward.

This proper expression in the very beginning is an important piece to NOT having your “time wasted”, not getting prematurely attached to (the wrong) man, and to fulfilling your desire of being married, well loved, and taken care of much sooner.

Additionally, so as to not get prematurely attached to a man, there is a way to uphold the desire for marriage you expressed earlier by reserving activities that would prematurely attach you to him for further commitment and properly expressing this to him as well.

I call this proper way of expressing things “A Love Sandwich”.

In my world, a “love sandwich” is essentially a way in which you structure your sentences to a man to make sure you are expressing your needs and desires, respecting the man and where he is, and allowing him freedom; not giving him ultimatums, not pressuring him, not nagging him, not shaming him, nor attempting to “control” him.

It is pretty much the fastest, easiest, and most effective method of communicating difficult topics to a man while respecting both your autonomy and his autonomy that I have found.

Love sandwiches are best used for when you want to convey something that could easily come off as controlling, demeaning, nagging, complaining, or pressuring the man if it’s not said in the right way.

My clients and I have tested this over and over and have always found that “love sandwiches” breed positive results where both parties feel heard, understood, and satisfied.

To create a love sandwich, you start by stating what you love about your time with him, something he’s done for you recently, something he is good at, etc. What you’re expressing with your opening statement should relate to what you’d like to speak further about and it should also be truthful.

Don't lie. Be genuine with anything that you are conveying to him.

Begin your sentence with “I love…”

Next, you transition into expressing your need/desire/feeling by saying something to the extent of “Yet I feel…”.

Lastly, you should end with a statement about what you love again, simply reiterating what your opening statement was about. This is important because it focuses on the good in the connection, keeps things lighthearted, and keeps you connected to your heart (which is something that he can feel and considers genuine).

So, in short, a love sandwich looks like “I love … yet I feel… because I love…”.

To further show how awesome using Love Sandwiches can be, let me give you an example of how it would be used in this scenario:

Let’s say it’s nearing the end of a first date with a man, things are going well, you two are enjoying each other, laughing, and all the good things.

This would be the perfect time to express that you’re enjoying your time with him and to let him know that you desire to be married.

You could say something like, "I've been having such a lovely time with you today, enjoying our conversation and getting to know each other better. It's been truly enjoyable. Yet, I realize we haven't mentioned our long-term goals or what we're generally seeking in a relationship. Personally, I value meaningful connections that have the potential for deeper commitment and then marriage. Like I said, I love getting to know you and I’d be happy to see where it goes with this in mind.”

You can also add a “What do you think?” at the end if you so choose.

Notice how this Love Sandwich spoke about how you’re enjoying him in the present, expressed your desire for marriage, while keeping it lighthearted and low pressure with the ending that you’d be “happy to see where it goes”.

The next thing after expressing yourself with this Love Sandwich is to allow him the space to respond.

He may either confirm that you two are on the same page, express that he’s not looking for marriage, or tell you that he just wants to “see where it goes”.

Understand though that no matter what he responds with afterward, you’re looking for his words and actions throughout the connection.

Obviously, if he says he’s not looking for marriage and/or that he ONLY wants to go with the flow and “see where it goes”, you can be sure that you’re not on the same page and you should put your attention onto someone who is on the initial same page as you.

But even if he DOES tell you that his goal is also marriage, your job still is to prioritize your desire of marriage by reserving activities that would make you prematurely attached to him for deeper commitment and expressing this to him.

Like for instance, let’s say that on another date with him, he asks you as the date is winding down, “Do you want to go back to my place? 😉”

You already know that going back to his place (in general) and sleeping with him would just make you prematurely attached to him, would warp your expectations, and violates what’s best for your well being and what you want long term (marriage).

For these reasons, you know that going back to his place isn’t a good option for you, so you express all of this to him in a “Love Sandwich” way.

You say something like, “Well, I loved our day/night together, had lots of fun with you, and would love to have more fun with you yet I feel that going back to your place is too premature for me. I’d like to reserve things like that for a man I have deeper, more exclusive commitment with as, like I told you before, marriage is what I really want. It’d be too easy to get prematurely attached to you, especially because I love getting to know you and have such good times with you. 😉”

Not only did you just say that your goal is marriage, but you also reinforce it with how you operate and your expression moving forward.

You’ll find out shortly, if he isn’t willing to step up for you in the way you want or need, he will withdraw.

In this case, you will simply focus your attention on a man who is stepping up for you.

**Assuming that you are or are intending to casually date multiple men at the same time (which I’d recommend) [You learn how to do this effectively in week 9 of my 12 week mentorship program, IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy].

If he is ready, he will begin to move toward you and step up by proposing some sort of proper, exclusive commitment.

So you see, by using Love Sandwiches, you set yourself up to either move forward with this man (if he decides to propose exclusive commitment with you) or with another man, never getting prematurely attached, never wondering where the connection is going, or having your time wasted.

Instead, you set yourself up to fulfill your desire of being married, well loved, and taken care of much sooner.

In my 8 week email mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, "Love Sandwiches" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she'll love

We also work on:

  1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

  2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

  3. Learning to feel your emotions through and then use them as data to make decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

  4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

  5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.

blog author image

Dream (Silas) Omans

Dream Silas Omans is a wife, writer, and mentor/coach specializing in guiding women toward fulfilling romantic connections and relationships/marriage with men. Dream's blog provides guidance for women seeking fulfilling romantic connections and relationships/marriage with men. It covers topics such as personal growth, empowerment in love, relationship dynamics, and practical skills for finding and nurturing healthy relationships. Dream offers practical advice and mentorship programs, including her flagship program "IRL: Better Than Fantasy," aimed at empowering single women to go FROM single and hoping for her turn to get lucky in love TO being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she'll love. Through her work, Dream aims to help women navigate the complexities of modern relationships and ultimately experience love, support, and fulfillment.

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