The reason why dating is exhausting to you is because you pour your energy all over a man and try to accelerate the connection with him when you start to like him (which repels him) instead of realizing that all you have to do is enjoy him, express that you like spending time with him, and allow him the freedom and space to step up for you or not.

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

Dating shouldn’t be exhausting. If it is for you then that always means that you are outside of your domain. Yes, you are doing things that are not even for you to be doing.

What exactly are these ‘things’ that I’m talking about?

Mainly, pouring your energy onto a man and being quite forward.

This can involve initiating contact with him, excessively texting or calling him, attempting to plan dates or meetups with him, prematurely discussing the future with him, and so forth. These are overtly forward actions that women engage in, which are beyond their appropriate domain. Due to the repellent nature of this premature and forward behavior, it often causes the man to withdraw, leaving the woman feeling drained, unappreciated, exhausted, and as if her efforts were in vain.

I want to emphasize that I am talking about energy here and that this doesn’t necessarily mean that you are exhibiting forward, premature behavior outwardly. It can be a bit more subtle and sneaky than this.

The subtle, forward, and premature behavior looks like waiting by the phone for him to text/call you, feeling more entitled to his time and attention than he has promised you, feeling anxious, worried, or frustrated if you haven’t heard from him, creating fantasies in your head about your future (even though nothing official has been established between the two of you), etc.

Yes, this too is pouring your energy all over this man and even if it is not outward behavior, he can still feel it, it is still repelling, it is still outside of your domain, and it will exhaust you.

Also, just because you’re not doing things outwardly doesn’t mean that it’s not, outside of your awareness, bleeding outwardly into your connection with a man.

Operating outside of your domain in the ways I’ve described (along with other similar ways I have not mentioned) is what makes dating exhausting and fruitless for you.

Okay, so how do we begin to solve this?

The simple solution is that you must understand what your domain actually is and how you can operate inside your domain.

When you are dating a man your domain is made up of 3 main roles relative to him. The 3 roles are:

1. Enjoy him

2. Express that you like spending time with him

3. Allow him the freedom and space to step up for you or not

This is it. Anything that you do outside of this is probably outside of your domain, will repel him, and will exhaust you.

Before I break down the 3 roles further, I want to address why operating prematurely and outside of your domain is repelling to a man so that we can all be on the same page.

A man deserves a woman that loves him deeply for who he really is; a woman that can truly see his heart.

Prematurely loving and being 100% sold on a man is not good because you actually don’t have enough information on him to love him yet.

You don’t know him well enough. You haven’t really even seen and experienced his heart fully and yet you’re 100% sold on him?

This is strange, inauthentic, and thus, repelling because it’s like you’ve fallen in love with a fantasy projection of him that you created in your mind and not the real him.

He hasn’t even shown you that he can step up and claim the woman (you) that he wants in his life— commit to her, and care for her properly, consistently.

This of which shows good character, discipline, and a good sense of values on his part that extends into every other area of his life and is very much a part of who he is, inside and outside of his love life.

So in a very real sense, it is a disservice to him if you don’t allow him to show you this.

Let him show you who he is for real, and how he can rise for you— and then fall in love with that man; commit your heart to that man.

Okay, now that we have that established, let’s dive deeper into the 3 roles.

Role 1: Enjoy Him

Within your domain is the call to simply enjoy the man in front of you. This means to take him in as he is and enjoy what he’s bringing to you in the form of his conversation, energy, movements, tendencies, gestures, humor, etc.

Just allow yourself to have fun with him in the present.

The only caveat to this is to not engage in activities with him that would make you prematurely attached to him. These activities can include but are not limited to sleeping with him, meeting his family, going on overnight trips with him, etc.

You want to enjoy him but reserve activities that would make you prematurely attached to him for deeper commitment and properly expressing this to him as well.

This brings us to our next role…

By the way, I’d also suggest dating multiple men at the same time as this would allow you to stop putting the pressure on this one connection with a man to work out, easing the tension.

**Assuming that you are or are intending to casually date multiple men at the same time (which I’d recommend) [You learn how to do this effectively in week 9 of my 12 week mentorship program, IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy].

Role 2: Expressing that you like spending time with him

This is a very important piece of the puzzle that women tend to greatly underestimate.

Being expressive about missing him, feeling happy to be around him, enjoying your time with him, loving how you connect with him in XYZ way, or whatever is genuine for you to express to him is the green light you give him to let him know you're available.

Your expression toward him is the invitation you give him and it is ENOUGH. Thinking you have to do anything else to show him you’re interested is overcompensation, it is repelling, and will backfire.

Now, you must fully understand how to express that you enjoy him while expressing to him that you will be keeping certain activities reserved for deeper commitment.

This will prove useful and necessary to remain in your domain and keep yourself from getting prematurely attached to him.

You can convey all of this using a Love Sandwich!

In my world, a “love sandwich” is essentially a way in which you structure your sentences to a man to make sure you are expressing your needs and desires, respecting the man and where he is, and allowing him freedom; not giving him ultimatums, not nagging him, not shaming him, nor attempting to “control” him or pressure him.

It is pretty much the fastest, easiest, and most effective method of communicating difficult topics to a man while respecting both your autonomy and his autonomy that I have found.

My clients and I have tested this over and over and have always found that “love sandwiches” breed positive results where both parties feel heard, understood, and satisfied.

To create a love sandwich, you start by stating what you love about your time with him, something he’s done for you recently, something he is good at, etc. What you’re expressing with your opening statement should relate to what you’d like to speak further about and it should also be truthful.

Don't lie. Be genuine with anything that you are conveying to him.

Begin your sentence with “I love…”

Next, you transition into expressing your need/desire/feeling by saying something to the extent of “Yet I feel…”.

It is important to have already connected to your emotions and felt everything through so that you are able to convey things in a mature manner that truly honors what you desire, what you need, and how you feel.

Lastly, you should end with a statement about what you love again, simply reiterating what your opening statement was about. This is important because it focuses on the good in the connection, keeps things lighthearted, and keeps you connected to your heart (which is something that he can feel and considers genuine).

So, in short, a love sandwich looks like “I love … yet I feel… because I love…”.

Let me give you a quick example of how this works.

Let’s say that you are on a date with a man and you’re really enjoying him. Suddenly, he asks if you want to go back to his place.

In this example, you already know that you are looking for serious, exclusive, long term commitment (marriage), but you haven’t discussed this with him yet.

You also know that going back to his place (in general) and sleeping with him would just make you prematurely attached to him, would warp your expectations, take you out of your domain and violate what’s best for your well being and what you want long term.

For these reasons, you know that going back to his place isn’t a good option for you.

Based on all of this, you express to the man the following:

“Well, I loved our day/night together, had lots of fun with you, and would love to have more fun with you, yet I feel that going back to your place is too premature for me. I’d like to reserve things like that for a man I have deeper, more exclusive commitment with as, like I told you before, marriage is what I really want. It’d be too easy to get prematurely attached to you, especially because I love getting to know you and have such good times with you. 😉”

*This assumes that you have already made it clear to him that marriage is your reason for dating and what you value. [You learn how to effectively communicate all of this in week 7 of my 12 week mentorship program IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy.

This is how you can enjoy him, reserve activities that would make you prematurely attached to him for deeper commitment, AND properly expressing this to him so that it goes over well and doesn’t pressure him.

Role 3: Allow him the freedom and space to step up for you or not

The last role in your domain is to simply allow the man freedom and space. There’s nothing more for you to do. After enjoying him and expressing yourself to him properly in the way that I’ve mentioned above, you’ve positioned yourself for him to either step up for you (if he wants to) or to pull away.

If he steps up for you, great.

Speaking of which, stepping up for you looks like:

1. Treating you well consistently

2. Initiating contact with you regularly because he wants to

3. Proposing exclusive commitment with you (i.e. Boyfriend and girlfriend, or proposing marriage)

If he pulls away, you won’t feel discouraged, defeated, and exhausted because you weren’t prematurely attached to him, you stayed within your domain, and you can simply shift your attention to a man who is showing up for you.

Dating shouldn’t be exhausting. You should be enjoying yourself through and through.

In my 8 week email or 30 day accelerated mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, "Love Sandwiches" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not currently married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Learning to feel your emotions through and then use them as data to make decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

The 8 week mentorship is $1,499.

The 30 day accelerated mentorship is $2,999. 

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.