High standards on their own don't keep you single. Nor do they eliminate suitable options for you. But your high standards built from anger, resentment, entitlement, and feeling “owed, keep you single by eliminating even suitable options for you.

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

In love, that bitterness from feeling owed makes you heavy, repelling, and a drain to be around. It’s a love, man, and romance repellent. 🏃🏾🏃🏽‍♀️

As I’ve said before, (and got major backlash for it) you’re WORTH it all but OWED nothing. 🙅🏽‍♀️

This is why many women who adopt the “dream girl”, “goddess” or “high value woman” role feel like their “high standards” are keeping them single or that now they suddenly have no more options after they’ve raised their standards.

The truth is though that there are plenty of suitable men at every conceivable level you can find yourself at in your lifetime.

The high standards themselves are not the issue. Building your standards from “owed” energy is.

When high standards are built out of pure self respect, love, and worth— it feels genuine to everyone.

You don’t get push back. You get respect from those who can’t meet your standards and you call in men who can meet them.

When your standards are built from feeling owed and resentful caused from never being provided for, being mistreated, being overlooked, and under-loved, there is a bitterness behind your high standards.

It’s like trying to grow beautiful flowers and fruit from poisoned soil. What will actually come from that?

You don’t possess that grounded, neutral detachment that allows you to have high standards and happily filter men through them.

Instead, you start inadvertently challenging men who go against what you deem as suitable for you and demean/look down on/ criticize/villainize men who don’t fit your standards.

When you do this, you get major bite back from certain men who want to knock you down a peg.

While other men, (who may actually be suitable for you) just want to steer clear of you because that energy you’re coming from (owed, resentful, and bitter) is draining. He doesn’t want to have to pay this negative debt for something he had nothing to do with.

You should actually be dating from a neutral, grounded place (looking forward to getting to know the man in front of you), not pressed to have the connection work out with any one man because you’re not prematurely attached to him.

If you’re already coming from entitlement, resentment, and feeling “owed”, that is NOT a place of grounded-ness and neutrality. You’re having men already start in the negatives with you.

And NO ONE wants to be fighting an uphill battle just to get to know you. That is quite ludicrous.

This is exactly why many women feel like all their options suddenly dropped off once they “raised their standards”.

High standards, light heartedness, and having grounded neutrality is the recipe to getting your options back, improving the quality of your options, and being claimed, committed to, and well loved now and in the long term.

You already have the high standards part covered (although you may revisit and refine them after reading this).

My aim for this post is to help you reach a level of grounded, neutrality when dating and getting to know men so that you meet men suitable for you and get to being claimed, committed to, and well loved sooner.

Okay, so let’s talk solutions.

The fastest way to reach this grounded, neutrality when dating and getting to know men is to simply release your resentment for the masculine in general.

In my world, the easiest way to dissolve the RESENTMENT you have for men and the masculine in general is by letting the masculine treat you better.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but hear me out…

I understand that you may have been let down before, not supported, shut down, not held, not seen, and made to feel that you’re not good enough.

I know that this may have manifested into you feeling resentful and “owed” regarding men.

I also know that you most likely have tried to dissolve this before and yet, it still hasn’t quite gone away.

Let me tell you this:

The reason why it hasn’t gone away is often because you’re still putting yourself in powerless positions with men that don’t match the love, respect, and worth you have for yourself.

The women I work with (in my mentorship) have already done the inner work to feel good about themselves, to feel enough, and to have high standards.

But many of them haven’t sealed the deal by making choices that support their enough-ness and standards.

To me, the highest practice of self acceptance, love, and worth is the practical act of making good decisions that put you in the position to be supported, seen, and held properly by the masculine right now, as you are.

You must make decisions in love that support who you are now and contribute to the reality of you being claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are.

The resentment begins to dissolve as a result of proper treatment; being treated exactly how you need/desire by the masculine.

So, given all that has been discussed, how can you actively make choices that lead to being treated better, thus dissolving your resentment and ultimately allowing you to attain the grounded neutrality necessary for fostering meaningful connections with men who align with your standards?

The solution is EMODATA.

In my world, EMODATA, is a way in which you use your emotions as data to make good decisions in your love life that support your high standards and the reality of you being claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are.

With this process, you get to feel through and consider your emotions, then make good decisions in your love life because of them, not in spite of them.

Let me show you have EMODATA works in the context of this example:

Let’s say you know that one of the things that makes you feel “owed” and resentful with a man is if and when your efforts feel like they are in vain because you were focused on him and he still pulled away.

Another thing that makes you feel “owed” and resentful is if a man is not moving things forward with you and taking you out on dates.

Okay, your job then is to avoid putting yourself in these positions.

Using “EMODATA” the first step is to feel everything through enough to name the emotion and exactly why you are feeling this way.

So, naming the emotion(s) after completely feeling it through: Resentful and owed.

And now you determine exactly why you feel the way you do.

You feel resentful and owed when your efforts seem to be in vain. When you feel that you’ve put a lot into your connection with a man, for no reason, because he didn’t return the energy and instead pulled away.

You feel “owed” an explanation, equal exchange, and your damn time back (lol) and resentful that you’re not going to get any of this.

As for your owed and resentful feelings toward a man not taking enough initiative for you, you feel that your time is being wasted and you’re not being appreciated for the woman that you are.

Secondly, you want to look at your emotions indicating if you are on the right track or not and if not, identifying what would put you on the right track.

By “right track” in this case, I mean, on track with making choices that stop causing you to feel resentful and “owed”, align with your high standards, and align the reality of you being claimed, committed to, and loved well as you are.

And if you’re not on track, you can use your emotions to guide you on how to get on track.

Considering your emotions, resentful and feeling “owed”, and the reasons behind them, you acknowledge that you are NOT on track.

The next step then, is to get on track.

So, because you feel resentful and “owed” based on your efforts feeling in vain and a man not moving things forward enough, you recognize two things.

1. Being prematurely attached to a man is what makes you over invest in him. So you can conclude that falling for a man BEFORE he makes significant strides toward you is a bad idea.

   • By the way, significant strides toward you means a man doing, on his own, ALL of the following:

     1. Treating you well consistently

     2. Initiating contact with you regularly because he wants to

     3. Proposing exclusive commitment with you (i.e. Boyfriend and girlfriend, or proposing marriage)

What can get you on track is to NOT engage in activities with a man that would make you prematurely attached to him. These activities can include but are not limited to sleeping with him, meeting his family, going on overnight trips with him, etc.

You want to enjoy him but reserve activities that would make you prematurely attached to him for deeper commitment.

I’d also suggest dating multiple men at the same time as this would allow you to stop putting the pressure on this one connection with a man to work out, easing the tension.

*Assuming that you are or are intending to casually date multiple men at the same time (which I’d recommend) [You learn how to do this effectively in week 9 of my 12 week mentorship program, IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy].

This allows you to prevent yourself from feeling resentful and “owed” from over-investing and instead, to allow yourself to just enjoy the man in front of you (keeping the experience positive).

2. You need to learn how to express your grievances to a man properly instead of just harboring resentment or “cutting him off” just to experience the same thing again with the next man because you still haven’t learned to express yourself properly.

[You learn how to effectively communicate grievances, desires, needs and wants in week 7 of my 12 week mentorship program IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy as there is a right and wrong way to express yourself to a man.]

While communicating your grievance won’t suddenly make a man a good match for you, when you practice expressing exactly how you’re feeling and what you need or desire, you energetically stop meeting men who don’t take initiative in the first place.

You won't be a match for that behavior anymore.

You also can observe if he moves toward you or away from you, based on what you’ve expressed.

If he steps up and makes significant strides toward you, great.

If he pulls away, you won’t feel resentful and “owed” because you weren’t prematurely attached to him and you can simply shift your attention to a man who is showing up for you.

Do you see how the EMODATA process helps you actively make choices that lead you to being treated better by men, thus dissolving your resentment and ultimately allowing you to attain the grounded neutrality necessary for fostering meaningful connections with men who align with your standards?

Do you see how this helps you acknowledge and lean into your emotions, making them useful to you, instead of having them run rabid in the background, making you reactive and sabotaging your options in love?

This allows you to approach dating and getting to know a man from a grounded, neutral place where you can remain lighthearted, uphold your high standards, and be claimed, committed to, and loved well sooner.

In my 8 week email mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, "Love Sandwiches" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Communicating your needs, desires, feeling, or grievances properly to a man so that they can be met, you avoid resentment, and a deeper, stronger bond can be formed between you and the man you'll love.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.